Behind…

I was standing behind the thin mob of mourners, or visitors, I should say. All I could see or gather from that point of the earth, was that I wasn’t so loved as I thought I had been. Nobody had shed a tear, nobody was sad. My mum and dad weren’t there beside my lifeless body, as they themselves weren’t present on the earth. I was, for the first time, alone.

I was watching from behind the people I knew, some were talking, some even smirking, some, a bit sad. The visitors stood around a large clear space of earth, where my own lifeless form slept, slept peacefully, without any worry. Beside my open coffin, a man was giving a speech, words I could not hear. He went on, continously, without showing signs of finishing it. But, for me, these words were worthless, as I knew that in reality, no one was actually paying attention to them either.

Yes, you are right, I am, standing, behind the crowd, in my own funeral, watching if people really cared about me, or loved me. I, however, by then, knew that these people did not care if I lived or died, and so, I began walking backwords, silently, with a blank expression.

No, I wasn’t heartbroken, I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t, because I did not have expections, a free soul does not. The sun was now in the golden western sky, it’s rays showering the sky with golden light. The clouds were looking like fluffy pink specks in the sky. I walked backwards, not knowing what to feel, what to do. A soul, as I told earlier, does not feel, does not have emotions. I am a soul now, an emotion-less form. I am one of those thousands of souls roaming around right now, this moment, like the clouds in the golden sky.

I turned around completely, cutting myself from that scene, away from my funeral, my body, forever. I started walking, this time, my heart filled with sadness, as I tried to ignore them. I realised, that after all, some souls do feel. Some do feel pain and sadness, some like me.

I walked forwards, walking away from the bitter truth, the truth of not being cared, not being loved. I walked away, away from the western sky, away from the impartial sun, who showers everyone, loves everyone, cares for every living being.

This was my last day on earth, I was not going to come back, never!

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Written by Amrita Sar